The Wedding Paradox



What is the wedding paradox? The wedding paradox is that the more you concentrate on each other, the more included your guests feel. Why is this? It’s because they’re getting to witness something personal. The more people feel like they’re getting to witness something personal, the more privileged they’ll feel that they got to be included.



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A wedding conspires against this, unfortunately. Whenever you have more than 20 people in a room, you no longer have a guest list. You have an audience. Like it or not, human behavior is such that people in large groups turn into passive watchers and expect to be entertained. This is not a problem. The problem is that the couple, consciously but more often unconsciously, feels that and turns into performers. They’re not concentrating on each other.


So read your vows to the other person, not with a wink to the audience. Want an intimate wedding? Be intimate with each other. Slowly walk around with each other during cocktail hour. Be real and be present. The guests will be able to feel this.


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Have you ever been to an amazing, unforgettable concert? I bet it was because the musician(s) got lost in the performance and created something spontaneous and authentic. I bet it’s because the musician poured his/her heart out on stage and you felt lucky to see something so heartfelt and genuine :)



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